I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am available for nakedness
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize