Kiss
Puke
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
