You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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