Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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