OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
