I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
