Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
