Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
