dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
