I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
