At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
