I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
