i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
