The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
