mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
