Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You ruined the universe
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
