she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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