similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
