i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
