is your mom at the bar?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
God, I missed his penis.
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