So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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