he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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