I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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