Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
