we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've blown a few things in my day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
