It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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