every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
