There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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