So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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