I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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