chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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