Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
