just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
