i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this hospital has no fireball
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
