All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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