Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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