my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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