"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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