I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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