your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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