Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
