I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
birth control should be required to get into college
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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