How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize