I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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