i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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