are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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