I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
