i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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