how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
