I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
