The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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