he told me I talked like a deaf person
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
