she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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