I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
