I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
