So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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