Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
