Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
