It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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