I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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